Literally the day after my last post, I got sick again. It’s been almost two weeks, and I’m still sick. It is really, really discouraging.
My mom kind of sat me down tonight and asked if I was planning to stay in Syracuse and in my current position. She pointed out that I should probably have a conversation about whether my position is even secure, funding-wise, for next year. She also kind of nudged me to decide whether I should be looking for other positions, because I’m so unhappy.
My reply was that I’ve heard from everyone that your first year is terrible, between everything being new and being sick all the time and getting your bearings. I’d hate to give up before getting over those hurdles. I would like to feel that I’ve experienced what it’s like to be “doing” this job instead of just trying to do it, before saying that I hate it.
There are many things that I like and appreciate about my particular position. I like doing trainings. I like that my boss is a librarian. I like doing consulting with teachers. I like when kids come to me for readers advisory and reference help. I like storytelling. On the surface, it seems that I should be able to enjoy my job – but I haven’t been.
One giant piece is behavior management, which has not improved much over the course of the year. I’ve gathered a lot of advice about it, but haven’t manage to synthesize and implement it. I think for my own happiness, that’s probably the biggest thing I could do.