Hi guys. I don’t have much to report, despite the long stretch since my last post. Still, I’m noticing a pattern and I feel like I need to record it.
I find myself dreading school, and looking forward to my days at BOCES. There are any number of factors that might be causing or contributing to that. The most worrisome is that maybe I’m just not meant to be an elementary librarian. The most likely is that I’m just frustrated.
At this moment, the idea of doing another year of this sounds inconceivable. But I know full well that the second year could not possibly be as tough as this year – I’ll be going in with at least some lesson plans written, some idea of rules and procedures, a set of trainings already developed, and a group of volunteers. Everything won’t be so new.
What won’t change is the fact that I’m trying to do a full-time job, without an aide, in four days a week and in addition to my training schedule. Trainings often curtail my after-school work. I’m just a little concerned about my ability to become effective in the library.
Nothing is going to get easier, so the only solution is for me to get better. I’m attempting to deal with a few of my current issues. The most salient is a lack of energy. This is nothing new; I’ve felt tired pretty much all the time since I was 12. Given no strict wake-up time, I would sleep about 10 hours a night. I’ve also felt run-down and have gotten sick about 4 separate times since starting this job. In general I’m trying to form healthier habits, which unfortunately takes time. It involves shopping, cooking, exercising and sleeping, and many times I feel guilty about doing these things that I should be able to do to keep my body going.
We’ll see how it goes. I’m discouraged, but I’m not giving up yet.